Is It OK To Keep The Ring?
If you feel like slamming your head on a table if one more person utters the name “Kardashian,” then we apologize in advance for this post. However, to be clear, this post is not really about her, per-se. We are merely using her actions as segue to discuss a touchy and somewhat controversial topic that we feel needs to be aired out: giving back the ring.
We’ve talked before about what it means to take off the ring (and we appreciate all your contributions to the topic), but now Kim Kardashian’s divorce from Kris Humphries has brought up another subject. What happens after a marriage ends, long or short, and the two parties involved must divide the assets. One major piece in this puzzle is the engagement ring. In Kim’s case, a 20.5 carat diamond engagement ring — no pocket change.
Last Tuesday on her blog, Kim announced that she would donate all the money from her wedding gifts to the non-profit Dream Foundation. However, she made no mention of her intentions with the ring.
Shortly afterwards, on ABC’s Good Morning America, Kris Jenner, her mother and manager, was asked what motherly advice she had for Kim about the ring.
“I hate an Indian giver,” said Jenner. “It’s a gift. Keep your gift.”
While Kim may be satisfied with this advice, FOX Chicago News investigated the topic further by consulting an etiquette expert on the subject. Dan Post-Senning, the co-author of the latest edition of Emily’s Post’s Etiquette and great-grandson of Emily Post, said that it’s not so black and white.
Although Kardashian has the legal rights to the ring, the marriage only lasted 72 days, therefore the classy thing to do would be to give back the ring.
“When a marriage ends so shortly it’s an unfortunate thing and it’s perfectly natural for there to be confusion and mixed emotions and even some uncertainty about the best ways to behave in these situations,” Post-Senning told FOX. “As is always the case the true test of grace and poise is when you’re confronted with an awkward situation and in some ways this really is an opportunity for people to rise above.”
While we agree with Post-Senning about this particular situation, we want to know what you think. What is the case with a longer marriage? We believe that if both parties involved are cordial than it would be appropriate for the woman to keep the ring, but then again, we’re certain people have varying opinions. However, we’d love to hear them.
Is it OK to keep the ring? Tell us what you think!
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26 Comments
Maria
November 9, 2011On a side note, I can’t believe her mom used the term “Indian giver.” Such a family of shame.
PC
November 9, 2011I think it’s crazy to keep the ring after 72 days! What is she thinking!?
savannah
November 10, 2011if it was so bad they couldn’t just separate for a little bit than why keep bad memories?
LaFaye Hawkins
November 10, 2011If you were in a real relationship with someone that you truly loved whether it was 7 hours or 72 days, I could see why it would be hard to part with a a physical representation of your relationship. But if your televised made for tv wedding crashed before your 17.9 million dollar check was deposited into your account then the ring shouldn’t be so hard to part with. I don;t knock Kim for her attention whoring tactics. But what I do have a problem with is her “whoa is me” attitude, and her blatant disregard for the public’s common sense.
Adriana Ganos
November 10, 2011GIB. Give It Back. It is the classy, respectful, thing to do. At the end of the day it is about a marriage and a relationship. the ring is a symbol of that. What is most important is that both people are treated with respect regardless of the circumstance. Material things should not confuse this. She was not able to follow through, wants it ended, so therefore should give that back as well. Such a sad display of greed and materialism. Although you know Ms. Schwatz made a nice exchange for all this promotion for that rock.
Top Personal Finance Posts Of The Week – November 11, 2011 - Personal Finance Whiz
November 11, 2011[...] Archuleta from Gemvara Blog presents Is It OK To Keep The Ring? saying, “While not a problem for most, what is considered proper ring etiquette when [...]
Theresa
November 12, 2011An engagement ring is a promise to get married. She got married, and California law says you get to keep the ring. What she wants to do with it is her business.
Fresser
November 12, 2011Stay classy, Kris – use as many archaic terms intrinsically insulting to American ethnic groups as you can!
That said (and I can’t believe I’m writing this): of course Kim should keep the ring. She paid for it, or at least E! did. This entire wedding/marriage was a sham, and therefore the ring is a symbol of extreme moneygrubbing. So keep it. Mazeltov.
As for regular, not-necessarily moneygrubbing people, I say: keep the ring. It’s a gift, not a yo-yo with conditions. If someone wants to give someone else expensive gifts of any sort, for any reason, the operative word is “gift.”
G
November 12, 2011all of you .. for even caring about kim kardashian .. are stupid ..
rosavidal
November 12, 2011I DONT KNOW WAS THE PROBLEM IS_ SHE WIN THE RING SHE KEEP IT.SO HE GIVE HER SHE AS A GIFT SO
Jessie Caulfield
November 12, 2011I always heard the one who breaks off the wedding loses the ring. In this case, Kim.
Randalene
November 12, 2011The ring is a symbol of love regardless of value. To keep such a thing would be a constant reminder. The obvious thing to do is return the ring…..unless she bought the ring herself?
Embarassed
November 12, 2011Are you kidding me, no matter how long the marriage is, what is the ring symbolic of? It represents that two people are married and hold a certain symbol of relationship. If there exists no such relationship than how the hell are you going to keep the ring? It is stupid just imagine, say you were sitting next to Kim and said: Oh what a beautiful ring, where did you get it? Either she will lie, which I have no doubt the Kardashians can do because they are full of crap( We had nothing in common, so we ended it) Yea right, or say My ex-husband gave it to me. And you will think than why are you wearing it unless you still have feelings for him and want him back, you idiot? second of all, there mom is such a ignorant human being, really “INDIAN GIVER” aren’t you a bit stereotyping. Wow!
BananaGram
November 12, 2011The rules of the etiquette of rings are this… If the woman breaks off the engagement, the ring is returned to the man, but if the man breaks off the engagement it is up to the woman to decide if she wants to keep it or get rid of it.
peaceloveandal
November 13, 2011The only circumstance where it would be seemly a wife to keep the ring would be if it was her husband’s philandering that caused the failure of the marriage. That doesn’t seem to be the case here,
seimmaj
November 13, 2011if one was married to someone for one day or one hundred days it doesnt matter and she is able to keep the ring in the eyes of the law for it was a gift….
morally she should give it back!
Mon
November 13, 2011I’m so tired of seeing people bash Kim Kardashian. Reality is we don’t know what happened in their marriage. We don’t know the reasons why she decided to call it quits after 72 days. Her life is on tv but her emotions aren’t so I think it’s extremely unfair to judge her prior to knowing the facts. In any case I don’t think Kim K is ‘needy’ of a ring. If she wants to keep it – keep it. If she doesn’t – give it back. If he causes a stink and wants it back – give it back. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer. I think as long as one party didn’t completely disrespect the marriage then keeping the ring is a decision to be made by the two of them. Give this girl a break – she’s just as human as anyone else!
Grafxquest
November 13, 2011Unfortunately I agree…its not a yes or no thing. First off I think it should be based on the fact that its a contract. You are contracting the fiance to engage in marriage with you. Second, if said contract comes to an end, I think it should depend completely on who broke the contract. If the wearer of the ring breaks it, then they should return it. If the giver of the ring breaks it, then they should lose it. Simple.
stephanie
November 14, 2011Kim has enough money to buy her own ring. Give that one back to Kris. He bought it with the best intentions in mind, not for a publicity stunt to make more money.
Kate
November 19, 2011An engagement ring is a contract for an engagement. In which case the engagement did not end. The marriage did. The party who calls of an engagement breaks that contract and looses rights to keep the ring, but they both kept up both of their ends on the actual engagement so she is entitled to keep the ring. Her mom was wrong to call it a gift because an engagement ring is never considered “a gift” unless he gave her the ring around a major holiday…(so be careful guys).
On a side note I believe someone like Elizabeth Taylor for example has an enourmous collection of large and sizable jewelry from past relationships and failed marriages. Should she forfeit her infamous collection as well?
MissChris
November 22, 2011“Although Kardashian has the legal rights to the ring, the marriage only lasted 72 days, therefore the classy thing to do would be to give back the ring.”
“Kardashian” and “classy” in the same sentence? You’re kidding, right?
Yeah, she should return the ring. And she should have returned the gifts to the people who got suckered into buying them in the first place, not donated the proceeds to charity. But what can you expect?
IckyVickie
November 27, 2011Normally the ring although it’s a “gift”, it’s ultimately a promise. A symbolic reminder of a promise to love, honor respect and remain loyal. If the marriage doesn’t happen why would anyone want to keep the ring? A constant reminder of what could’ve or didn’t happen? I believe there are circumstances to which a ring should be kept. If the groom cheats, the ring should be kept. If the groom breaks the marriage off, the ring should be kept. If the groom is a complete and utter asshole and is bad mouthing the bride and or her family, The ring should be kept. If the groom is abusive verbally or physically, the ring shoukd be kept. Ultimately if the engagement or marriage ends because of the groom then the bride should keep the ring. If the bride breaks the engagement or ends the marriage for selfish reasons, infidelity or any reason other than the grooms doing, the bride should return the ring. Under those conditions it’s the right thing to do.
Janna
January 11, 2012I think it depends. Whose idea was it to break up the marriage? If it’s hers, then give the ring back. If it’s the guy’s, then keep the ring.
Alison lovejoy
January 20, 2012Well, maybe the person got THE WRONG SIZE ring and needs to have it sized correctly. ALSO, he wanted her, not the other way around !!! KTR Keep the Ring !
(and possibly start a collection!:)
Marianna
February 2, 2012An engagement ring is a gift to show your love to someone, you’re not just letting them wear it while you’re with them. Sure, it sucks for him that he spent so much money on it, but that’s his stupid mistake that he’s gonna have to learn from. She’s not making a fuss about his ring. And yes, his didn’t cost as much, but it’s still the same principle.
I do feel like if it’s the ring wearer’s fault that the marriage ended, then that changes things. If a lady cheats on her husband she shouldn’t get to keep the ring, because she broke that promise. But if it’s just a mutual breakup because things didn’t work out, then I don’t see why she should have to give anything back.
Marianna
February 2, 2012I also agree with IckyVickie. If the groom is the one who broke it off or caused the breakup, then the ring should be kept. And I feel like if I was going to go and break up with someone who wasn’t horrible to me, I would probably take the ring off and hand it to him during the breakup. But then again I probably won’t have a super expensive ring so I’d be thinking to myself, “What am I gonna do with it anyway?” or that I wouldn’t want to constantly be reminded of him once we were through.